How to have your own back

6 min read

For a moment, the greatest gymnast of all time floats in the air, as if time has slowed down just to watch her perform. Then suddenly time speeds back up again and Simone Biles is twisting and spinning, defying gravity with impossible grace. She lands on the mat (with a sound like the snap of a drumstick on a snare drum), but one foot lunges far out in front of the other, as the commentator gasps. "Very uncharacteristic vault for Simone, but it looked like she got almost lost in the air".

It's the Tokyo Olympic Games and Simone Biles has just bailed out halfway through her vault jump and botched the landing. For all the beauty of her twirling leap, it represents failure. Immediately afterward, her face shows a hint of disappointment, then composure, as she walks straight over to her teammates and says, “You guys go out there and do what you’ve trained to do. I’m sorry. I love you guys, but you’re going to do just fine. I love you. You guys have trained your whole entire lives for this. It’s fine.”

Not long after that, the statement was released: Simone Biles has withdrawn from the team finals and 5 medal events, "in order to focus on her mental health".

Then the reactions began 👀

Support and gratitude poured in for Simone, for having put her health ahead of the competition. On the other hand, needless to say, much of the feedback was not so... compassionate.

"Quitter", she was called. "Selfish". "Soft". "A national embarrassment". "A shame to the country". "We are raising a generation of weak people", some cried, who can't handle "when the going gets tough".

I googled 'Piers Morgan Simone Biles' because his opinions are predictable and I knew he'd have something (mean) to say.

He called her decision to withdraw a "joke", saying "You let down your teammates, your fans and your country".

Piers assumed that Simone had 'quit' because of her "poor performance" at the vault.

But what did happen?

The inside story 🗞

The morning after the prelims began for the Tokyo Olympics, Simone Biles started to experience the twisties: a phenomenon where the athlete loses sense of where their body is in space. It puts the gymnast in extreme danger. As Simone told it, "my mind and body are simply not in sync".

By the time the vault rolled around, Simone was feeling "the weight of the world" on her shoulders, explaining after her withdrawal, “I’m not in the right headspace. I’m not going to lose a medal for this country and for these girls, because they’ve worked too hard.”

The 24 year old champion made clear she did not quit because of a bad performance on the vault. "I've had plenty of bad performances throughout my career and finished the competition. I simply got so lost my safety was at risk as well as a team medal".

When the pressure was on to 'tough it out', Simone thought of her health and thought of her team, and acted in the best interest of both (surely knowing the judgement that would come).

True to form, Simone stuck by her team. She got them chalk for their hands. She cheered from the sideline while her teammates took second place, and Biles accepted her silver medal with them.

True to form, Simone stuck around on social media. She shared her joy for her teammates ("they stepped up when I couldn’t" she said) and shared posts about prioritizing mental health. She responded to Piers Morgan with a white love heart.

True to form, Simone focused on the support, not the shame.

“The outpouring of love & support I’ve received", she wrote, "has made me realize I’m more than my accomplishments ... which I never truly believed before.”

This 24 year old black woman - Olympic champion, survivor of abuse, hero to so many, shouldering the weight of the world, worried she's no more than her accomplishments - managed to have her own back when she needed it. Despite all the pressure and judgement she was under, she did what she needed to support herself. What's more, she did it loud and proud.

Less than one week later, Simone Biles returned to the competition, nailed her balance-beam routine and won bronze.

Compassion is the key 💕

I used to talk to myself like Piers Morgan did to Simone Biles. I think a lot of us have a Piers Morgan in our head. He's quick to judge and slow to care. Whenever he's noisy, there's so much criticism filling our headspace that there's no room left over for compassion or understanding.

We seem to think we can shame ourselves into behaving the way we want. We seem to think we can judge ourselves into action. We seem to think it's somehow righteous and helpful to bully ourselves. The Piers in our heads thinks it gives us grit and fortitude and strength. He thinks it protects us from weakness.

But as Simone Biles showed us with her actions - and as her detractors showed us with theirs - if we want to perform at our best, if we want to grow and evolve, if we want to be happy and healthy, then self compassion is the key. Judgement is the lock.

Simone was aware of the ways she could judge herself (as others would) and was ready to respond with thoughtfulness and kindness. She did not bow down to her inner critic (or anyone else), nor did she pick a fight with them.

She came at them with love and understanding. It's what she's been training for her whole entire life. Every time she's ever showed kindness to herself, she was putting in the practice.

And because she showed up for herself, she lifted up her teammates, her fans and her country too. As former gymnast Nastia Liukin said to Simone, "Thank you for helping the world realize that prioritizing your physical and mental health is the mark of a true champion."

Treat yo self 🍭

I think the story of Simone Biles at the Tokyo Olympics speaks volumes about how to treat ourselves - and how not to - so we can continue to grow and evolve in the way we want.

I think it contains some key ingredients for change. And I’m very interested in change. I'm gonna break down the ingredients I spotted in next Monday's email. 🤓🥰🥵 Have a great week ya champion ✨

Wondering what tv show those ferocious gifs came from? POSE 💅

Thanks for stopping by 🤸‍♀️

I’ll be back next monday with some more nosh for your noggin.

In the meantime, here is…